Use Report Cards to Open Lines of Communication

Wed Jan 04, 2006 | by Rachel Eden

If your resolutions for the new school year include open communication with your children, involvement in their schooling, or constructive partnership with their teachers, you’re in luck. You can use your child’s report card as a tool for initiating conversation, perhaps even creating an entirely new dynamic between you, your children, and those who work with them.

When you open up the report card envelop and get out your special decoder ring to decipher the grading system, you may be pleased to see the marks, realizing that they describe what you know to be true about your child and his or her academic standing and learning style. Or, you may react with confusion or frustration because the marks do not reflect your experience with your child’s strengths and abilities. If the latter is true, I offer suggestions to consider before throwing up your hands in resignation or marching into the classroom for clarification.

Keep in mind that your child may be a very different person in the classroom than she is at home. I know my daughter is much more responsive to her teacher’s request for completion or neatness than she is to mine. On the flip side, I’ve had students who are much wilier in class than they would ever dare to be with their parents. You may find that the matter is one of perspective or that the teacher has identified an area of challenge or difficulty that is new to you. If sharing this concern clears things up, then you too can breathe a sigh of relief and move on.

If the marks still leave you concerned and you find yourself saying things like, “But I know my child can focus his attention for long periods when he’s building”, or “I’ve heard my daughter explain how to solve a multi-step math problem but she’s not progressing with math facts,” or “My son is so confident when talking with a group of friends so I don’t understand why he’s not participating in class” then not only is it in your child’s best interest that you address those discrepancies, it allows you and the teacher to a clearer picture of your child’s learning style, interests, strengths and to address how these are being nurtured and evaluated.

There may be circumstances in the context of the classroom or school experience that don’t allow for your child to shine in the way you know he can. This isn’t to say the challenges don’t exist, but if they conflict with your understanding of your child it’s important to explore a little deeper.

Before talking to your child’s teacher, take some time discover or re-connect with the strengths of your child. Become reacquainted with your child’s strengths, patterns, behaviors, and needs, keeping in mind that your ultimate goal is to explore what is working and increase this positive cycle. You regain the confidence that comes from knowing your child better than anyone else. Ask yourself these questions:

What do you appreciate about your child? What are her strengths?
What is your child curious about? What kinds of questions does he ask? How does he show his curiosity?
When your child has persevered with a challenging task, what qualities did she use?
Does your child need breaks from periods of concentration?
What does he do to let off steam so he can be productive when he returns to the task?
Think about a time when your child was focused. What did you notice and appreciate most about your child at this time?
What do you appreciate about your child’s listening skills?

Talk with your child about a time he recently participated in class. What did he enjoy about that participation? How was he treated when he participated? Does he have any ideas about how he can participate in new ways that he didn’t find enjoyable before?

Once you have regained a deep appreciation for and understanding of your child, you can initiate a conversation with the teacher to better understand her perspective and share your own. Begin your conversation from a place of mutual trust. You may discover that you don’t agree with the assessment tool or strategy being used but it is important that you trust the intent of those working with your child.

As a first step to interpreting the report card marks, ask questions like:

● What kinds of assessment tools are being used? Are they primarily quantitative (tests) or are other qualitative measures used such as anecdotal notes and observations, evaluation of student selected projects, writing samples, class discussions for example.

● When does my child persevere in class? How do you encourage this?

● When is my child focused? What kinds of activities engage him?

The answer to these questions will give you an idea of how your child is perceived and his or her skills evaluated. You will be able to identify the common ground you share and where misconception has taken hold. And then - by identifying what is working and what your student does well - you expand that common ground in order to build on the strengths while tackling challenging areas. You may even want to take this a step further and describe the ideal school experience for your child - one that aligns with the knowledge and experience you have learned from parenting her. Ask the teacher how you can co-construct this ideal with her. What can each of you do to make it a reality?

Hopefully, you will learn of ways to support your child in improving school performance, and the teacher will discover ways to adapt assessments to better reflect his abilities. It may be that your son needs more opportunity for movement in the classroom in order to focus on a task, or that a test of math facts is overwhelming for your daughter, but she can demonstrate competency by creating story problems. Your willingness to initiate the conversation from a place of discovery rather than accusation shows that you are prepared to take responsibility for your side of the partnership in your child’s learning and that you are not turning a blind eye on valid concerns.

And, remember to keep that decoder ring handy. Report cards will come out again before you know it.

Rachel Eden is an educator and certified parent coach with a Master’s Degree in Human Development. She is a partner in Sound Parent, LLC offering coaching, advocacy, and resources for families.