Welcome to Sound Parent

Parent Coaches Offer Help for the Journey through Childhood

by Mary Scribner

Published in Seattle’s Child, October 2004

All parents know the challenges and joys of parenting. From the hazy exhaustion of being up with a sick child to the joy at hearing the first words uttered by a baby, our emotions can vacillate like a pendulum moving at warp speed. In seconds we can swing from feeling that we actually “might” be doing a good job parenting to utter fear for our “innocent” preadolescent as she chooses clothes to mimic a sexual Brittney Spears. Even the most optimistic and skilled parent can use a compassionate, skilled listener. We all want to make sound parenting decisions.

Compared to just 20-30 years ago, parenting today requires a different set of skills: In order to keep pace and survive in our fast-paced culture, families need to be experts at time management, conflict resolution and stress management. We need expertise in assertiveness training, empathetic listening and communication skills. We also need to be adept at weeding through junk media and warding off the pressures of the advertising/entertainment industry.

Not long ago, families relied on each other for support and encouragement. Tribes around the world raised children in communities of adults, each sharing their gifts and ideas in the experience. There was an unspoken belief that we were all on this journey together. Now, in our modern day mobile society, the journey is less defined, less predictable and more isolating. It often seems that we make this parenting journey alone. We may decide not to burden our friends with “our problems” so we just keep them inside and do the best we can. We may undermine our confidence with our internal dialogue, second-guessing our parenting decisions and wondering, "Should I have...?" or "Did I do the right thing?"

Understanding and talking through the possibilities with another can help us clarify our intentions, our values, and our directions. Parent coaching is a valuable new resource for parents to do just that.

What is Parent Coaching?

Parent coaching is a collaborative relationship between client(s) and coach. Through parent coaching, parents learn to identify priorities and make clear choices based on what is optimal for themselves and their children. Since parenting issues are unique, the reasons parents seek out parent coaches are unique as well. A parent coach can:

Assist with discipline issues at any stage of development;
Help parents navigate the school system and provide developmentally appropriate educational practices for children and teen-agers;
Address sibling rivalry and peer-related issues proactively;
Support new and adoptive parents with all the changes a child brings, and help with the challenges of step parenting;
Navigate parents through tough decisions – from finding the right preschool to navigating college choices.

What Can You Expect from Parent Coaching?

When you work with a coach you can expect lots of understanding, compassion and support. A coach will ask you key questions, provide information from a vast store of resources and offer specific suggestions to help you implement new attitudes and strategies. During phone conversations, the coach helps you discover constructive ways to address a situation that may be causing you concern, assist you in identifying your goals and help you with designing steps to attain them. A coach encourages and challenges you to discover stresses that may be impacting you and your children. A coach helps you to evaluate the systems you have in place which are supportive and guides you to tap into them more efficiently.

How Does It Work?

A parent coach works with you through 45-minute weekly or bi-weekly phone calls scheduled at your convenience, for an agreed-upon period of time, usually three months. One parent may take advantage of parent coaching or a husband and wife can be on the calls together. The beauty of this model is that after a long day, you don’t have to find a sitter and leave your home. Instead, you can get comfortable and come to the phone session in your pajamas. (If desired, meetings can be arranged in person if client and coach live or work close to one another.)

Sessions cost $75, which includes unlimited e-mail responses to a client’s questions or comments, and a 10-15 minute short coaching conversation per week as needed by the client.

If you need a trained listener and advisor, who can support and encourage you on your own parenting journey, parent coaching may be the right resource for you.

Mary Scribner, R.N., CPC (Certified Parent Coach) is the mother of one son and a member of Sound Parent, based on Bainbridge Island. The other Sound Parent coaches are Sally Kidder Davis, M.Ed., CPC; Chris Christensen, B.A., CPC; and Rachel Eden, M.A, CPC. All have completed a graduate level certification program through the Parent Coaching Institute affiliated with Seattle Pacific University.

For more information about Sound Parent, LLC, go to the Web site, www.SoundParent.com, or call 206-855-9364.

About the Parent Coaching Institute

Seattle educator, author and speaker Gloria DeGaetano founded the Bellevue-based Parent Coaching Institute (PCI) four years ago. It is the first program in the country to do parent coaching exclusively.

DeGaetano, the mother of two sons, adapted coaching models used in the corporate world, including “appreciative inquiry,” a framework to help parents focus on the positive and use a vocabulary of hope. She saw that business people who attended workshops often received follow-up coaching to reinforce principles, and she thought parents could use the same ongoing support and encouragement.

“We are dedicated to being with the parent in a shoulder-to-shoulder relationship,” DeGaetano explains. Although parents usually begin with a particular challenge, parent coaches are interested in making sustainable change.

“It’s not a problem-solving model; it’s more of a transformational process. We change in a deep way, internally,” she adds.

One goal is to “revitalize parenting as a great source of joy and satisfaction,” according to PCI’s mission statement.

PCI coaches will usually ask for a 12-session commitment. They also ask the parents to be “rigorous and gentle with themselves,” in the process.

Coaching falls into four phases, DeGaetano says:

The Discovery Phase focuses on discovering what works – for example, when a 3-year-old was actually being good around the new baby, what was happening?
The Dream Phase articulates a future ideal the parent(s) wants to work toward.
The Design Phase concentrates on how the parents’ talents, skills and resources can be used to get to the dream, and what additional suggestions or resources they might need.
In the Destiny Phase, the coach serves as a detective to look for indicators that the dream is starting to show up and to encourage that progress.

Parents can go through the phases more than once, depending on how many months they want to continue.

“Coaches are there for as long as people are in the game,” DeGaetano says.

DeGaetano designed the parent coaching curriculum, which consists of a 12-18 month, graduate-level distance-learning course at Seattle Pacific University, supplemented by a practicum, on-site workshops and mentoring. Applicants to the program must have at least a bachelor’s degree, although almost all have a master’s degree, as well as experience in child development, education, counseling, family advocacy, community health and related fields.

After they have received their certificate from PCI and the Seattle Pacific University, coaches continue to keep up-to-date with the research and resources. Some of the coaches are full-time; others work in another field and do coaching part-time.

Seven parent coaches – including three members of Sound Parent on Bainbridge Island, a coach on Fox Island, Wash., two in Oregon and one in Illinois – are PCI associates listed on the Web site. PCI can also refer parents to one of 12 other PCI graduates who work independently, matching coaches’ experience to the children’s ages and challenges. (Another 17 are enrolled in the graduate program now.)

In addition to working with parents individually, coaches are available to schools, social services agencies and businesses. PCI has just completed a six-month, pro bono pilot program with parents of students at Rainier Beach High School and the Inter-Agency School, both in the Seattle Public Schools.